okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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