I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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