I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
