I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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