Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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