i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
