Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
