if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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