I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will pee on everything he values.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
