my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
