laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
