It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
