I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
