You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I believe in your delicious
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
