I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've blown a few things in my day
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
