Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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