That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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