...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
