I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
