i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I CAN MOONWALK!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
