So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize