i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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