The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
