He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bring me that man meat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
