Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
