They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found the puke drawer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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