whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
