Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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