When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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