sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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