There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
