Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
