Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
