just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
