Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
