she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
