Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
