hotel room ftw
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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