I'm passing your future prison.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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