He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
