Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
