Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do vagina's smell?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
