I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
