I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
