Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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