he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
