I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
