dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
