they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
