if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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