I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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