Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
