So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
