btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
