someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
