you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Farmville is her only friend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
