are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
