the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
