I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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