Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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