Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
