Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
