so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i think i just lost a toe
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
