So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
