a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
