I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
