Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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