I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
