dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
