So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
