You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
