We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
