So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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