I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize