I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
