I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
