No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
