Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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