as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
