i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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