ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
