I smell stomach acid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
