Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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