I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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