I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
