i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
