Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
