thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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