Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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