I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
