It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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