If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
