wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
