He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
