RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
