just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
