my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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