I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize