Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
